Posted in Blog, Cats, Photos, Post, Posts, The Sunday Treat

Proper Manners for Proper Pussy Cats – A guide by Jim Stubington

Good afternoon. (First tip – always greet your acquaintance with the correct time phrase).

I go by the name James. James Bond  Stubington. (Second Tip – Use your sunday name. There’s no room for shortened names like Jim here). I am here today, to share with you, the correct way to act in public. I graciously welcome you, fair reader, to James’ Guide to Proper Manners.DSCF6792.JPG

1 – Always wear suitable attire. A black suit, white shirt and matching socks are a safe outfit to ensure no-one gets offended.

DSCF6914.JPG2 – Always accept a compliment or praise, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. It is good manners to appreciate people’s attempts to befriend you.

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3 – If someone does something nice for you – buy them flowers.

If you upset someone – buy them flowers.

If you have a crush on the pretty tabby next door (or that furry pair of slippers) – buy them flowers

If you accidentally eat an entire family meal that was left on the side – buy lots of flowers.

 

IMG_7819.JPG 4 – If someone has cold hands then offer to sit on them. It is acceptable to accept a small reward (i.e. tuna) afterwards, however, you should not appear to expect this when you offer your services. They are more likely to reward you if it looks like it was done out of the goodness of your heart. Which it was. Obviously.

 

IMG_8235.JPG5 – It is good manners to maintain good personal hygiene. Nobody likes a smelly cat.The correct place to clean is whenever there is food nearby. This alerts owners that you are a Very Proper Puddy Cat who would behave in a Very Proper Puddy Cat way should you be invited for a quick bite to eat (trust me, cleaning your face is irresistible).

 

IMG_8957.JPG6- If you see something you do not like (e.g. next doors dog), do not complain. Complaining is very rude. Simply cover your eyes like so, and pretend that the offending item has evaporated off the face of this earth. (Please note, if the offender makes any sort of noise that prevents you from imagining this then they are breaking the Proper Manners Code and may be given a good scratch and hiss).

 

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7 – Always ensure that flowers are carefully trimmed. There is nothing worse than an untidy piece of vegetation.

 

IMG_3045.JPG8 – When seated at a dinner table, ensure that you politely fold your arms. This shows that you are polite and ready to receive food.

 

IMG_3240.JPG9 – When eating a meal, always use a knife and fork. Alternatively, get someone else to use a knife and fork then feed you off it.

 

IMG_3283.JPG10 – Always do the washing up. Always, always, always.

 

IMG_363311 – It is important to respect other people’s beliefs. In order to stay polite, you should courteously participate in any special holidays, no matter how much you hate them.

 

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12 – When waking someone up, DO NOT stick your head in their face (See left). Humans do not like this. Instead, pop your head around the door and loudly MEOW (See right). This will remind them it is breakfast without forcing them to smell your fishy breath… and they will be so grateful that they give you extra food.

 

 

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13 – Finally, if you make a mistake (i.e. eat the entire batch of bolognese by accident), then say you are sorry by delivering a small token of affection.

Here are some examples that I can vouch for:

Slippers

Cotton Wool

Teddy’s

Meerkats

Loaves of bread

Items of clothing

Hair accessories

Toilet roll (don’t forget to decorate it with holes so they know it’s not for practical use)

Flowers

Dead mice

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Proper Manners for Proper Pussy Cats – A guide by Jim Stubington

  1. Dear Mr. Stubington,

    I would like to thank you so much for this guide. What a relief it is so see that there still are real gentlemen in this world who know and appreciate proper manners.

    Yours sincerely
    Porta patet cor magis

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    1. Dear Porta patet cor magis
      I am afraid this is Sarah speaking on behalf of Mr. Stubington as he is currently engaged in a very polite snooze (with the appropriate belly baring position featured, of course) however, he would like to send his sincere gratitude for your kind words and says he is very glad to hear his hard work is paying off.
      Yours sincerely,
      Sarah and Jim, sorry, James Stubington

      Like

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