Professional knocker-over for hire

Hello! My name is Rosie Stubington. Full name Rosalin “Fluff ball, Furbaby, Diddles, Pizza Face, Heidi, Arctic Fox, Pusky, Fluffkins” Stubington.

I would like to offer my services to anyone with a nice vase or water jug. I must insist that there is already water in it and some form of valuable item nearby otherwise I cannot perform to the best of my ability. 

If you are interested in  having your table neatly covered in some sort of destructive liquid, or need some paper to be reduced to slush – or even just need a way to destroy that hideous crystal flower vase – then I’m the Man  Cat for you!

Give me a call on one of those weird buzzy things and I’ll ignore you for a few hours then arrive when you have your back turned. Oh… What’s that? Your phone doesn’t work? Water damage?

Well that’s your own fault isn’t it! What kind of idiot knocks a jug of water over!